Why Donors Give: The Deep Human Need to Matter

If you’ve noticed an increasing sense of nihilism among folks you know – a feeling “nothing matters” – you are not alone. Events of the past few years have conspired to make people feel both unfocused and powerless. So much is happening – everything everywhere all at once – it is difficult to make sense of it. It can seem easier to isolate, put one’s head down, or simply self-distract.

Yet isolation and emptiness are not, naturally, very human things. So, what may seem useful in the short-term is no good at all in the long-term.

Humans tend to want (and need) to fill their cup, not drain it.

Which is why a new book by philosopher Rebecca Newberger Goldstein is worth a look. For everyone, but particularly for philanthropy facilitators. Because it helps, among other things, to explain what your donors are looking for in their relationship with your cause. Drawing on biology, psychology and philosophy, Goldstein looks beyond happiness as the goal of a well-lived life, asserting we are “creatures of matter who long to matter.” Or as John Kaag, philosophy professor, notes in a recent Atlantic review of Goldstein’s The Mattering Instinct: “we are consumed by an obsession with our own significance.”

Human Beings, and Donors, Are:

1. Meaning Seeking

So much of life and human history is driven by our elemental, instinctual need to matter. Fortunately, as the brilliant innovator of Culture Club, Hugh MacLeod, writes: “The market for something to believe in is infinite.” And the search for significance influences identity, relationships, culture, politics and, yes, philanthropy.

Your job, as a philanthropy facilitator, is to offer donors something fulfilling in which they can believe.

Towards this end, try framing your work with donors as a process of meeting their very human unmet need to matter and belong. For, clearly, this is at the heart of some of the most pressing problems afflicting society today — loneliness, extremism, and polarization. All these things are values-related – and tied to how we value ourselves.

People want to like what they see when they look in the mirror.

Much of our perception of our own value is tied to how others see us. But, as social ties fray and technology drives people more into isolation, people will seek alternative paths to feeling valued. One such path is through philanthropy – voluntary action for the public good. This can be a beautiful win/win/win – for the donor, your organization, and society writ large.

This gives nonprofits, and fundraisers, an enormously important role in shaping a world where goodness and light prevail.

2. Wired to Care

Goldstein draws on biology to show how our brains and bodies are wired for empathy, cooperation, generosity, and connection. When we can’t connect, we despair. This is one of the reasons why, despite living in a country that’s one of the wealthiest ever on the planet, so many Americans describe feelings of burn-out, malaise and depression.

The loneliness epidemic is something your nonprofit can help to address by creating a community to which prospective supporters will want to belong.

Sadly, too few nonprofits look at creating a sense of belonging as a priority fundraising strategy. But, in fact, it may be everything if your organization is to thrive as a vibrant philanthropic project.

Because people are driven by the need to care and be cared for.

You see, survival doesn’t necessarily mean the strongest or most aggressive. It depends, as much if not more, on cooperation and empathy. It’s what Darwin meant by positing “survival of the kindest,” not the “fittest,” which was actually a Spencerian notion. David Brooks summed this up in his last opinion column for the New York Times: “Despite what the cynics say, I still believe we’re driven not only by the selfish motivations but also by the moral ones — the desire to pursue some good, the desire to cooperate, to care for one another and to belong.”

How to Help People Matter

The more you get to know your supporters, and understand their particular mattering instinct, the better you can help them achieve a sense of purpose that fulfils them – while helping your cause fulfil its mission.

How humans express mattering differs.

Goldstein describes four “mattering projects” by which people seek significance:

1. “Socializers” Want to Matter to Others.

They may respond to volunteering, invitations to meet you and/or other like-minded supporters, and to be specifically helpful with assigned projects.

2. “Competitors” Want to Matter More Than Others.

They may respond well to a leadership opportunity or naming recognition.

3. “Transcenders” Want to Matter to God (or the Universe).

They may respond well to values-driven stories drawing on spirituality, communal traditions and legacy.

4. “Heroic Strivers” Want to Do Something (Whether Artistic, Athletic or Intellectual) That Matters to Them.

They may respond well to an opportunity to make a transformational difference – perhaps by helping you build a new or expanded program.

To Meaningfully Contribute, Donors Need Your Help

A conclusion of Goldstein’s book is humans are all fighting entropy — the natural tendency of any closed system to slide from order into chaos. She completes the book by asserting that winning this fight, and living a good life, means finding a way to contribute by assisting in, in her words, “the spread of flourishing, knowledge, love, joyfulness, peace, kindness, comity, beauty.”

Framing your work as a philanthropy facilitator also as a facilitation of personal meaning, offers a uniquely human lens through which to view your vitally important work.

It transcends simply raising money. It surpasses simply manifesting your organization’s mission and vision. It finds its center through engaging folks in a philanthropic – ‘love of humankind’ – journey.

You Matter Too

You matter, and show you care, when you:

• Help others matter. In fact, you might say purpose evolved to help humans accomplish big things together.
• Shape a values-based, love-centered culture people want to embrace. As one of my favorite culture barometers, Hugh MacLeod, reminds us: “Deliberately designed culture creates invisible systems that drive coherence and performance.”
• Help people live their best, most meaningful lives. People are starved for meaning, hope and love. Again, the words of Hugh MacLeod address this directly: “The point is giving people a legitimate excuse to do what they already want to do: connect.”
• Help the world bend toward peace, love, justice and balance. Person by person. Organization by organization. Community by community.

Remember, just as your social benefit organization seeks long-lasting donor relationships that drive sustainable philanthropy, so do donors seek lasting personal fulfillment.

This lasting transformation is what your work facilitates.

A world of shared values where all co-exist in harmony.

And everyone knows they both matter, and belong.

Everything else follows from there.